Sometimes your partner needs to be told what you feel, rather than letting them to decipher the signs.
Everyone expects a happily ever after, unfortunately these days most relationships don’t reach that stage. In an ideal scenario, both the partners are clear and open about their relationship. Albeit the fear of commitment is a real phobia, not everyone is same; commitment isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Forcing someone who has a commitment issues into relationship is like trying to fit an elephant through a mouse hole, just invain.
Causes of commitment phobia.
Gamophobia in other words known as commitment phobia maybe due to mixture of many events rather than a single cause. To the fact, few people don’t believe in marriage, especially if they come from a broken home. Studies show there is a clear relationship between commitment phobia and traumatic childhood. They are deeply influenced by their childhood experiences which is deeply rooted in their subconscious mind and has given rise to such unrealistic fears. It might be a death of a parent, a messy divorce or a parental abuse. In their heads, avoiding long-term serious relationship prevents any chance of being hurt.
Signs you are dating one!
There are definite signs that you can easily spot and here are few.
- They evade the plans always. It’s always you who is reaching out and initiating plans , it’s never the other way round. They make the plans when it is convenient to them and never bother about your opinion.
- Sketch relationship history. A person with commitment issue is likely to have a short relationships. They often have an excuse that they haven’t met the right person. Even if there is a long-term relationship it’s usually pretty shallow or long distance. They refuse to call their previous relationships the real ones it’s rather totally casual they say.
- Need more space. Even if you give them enough personal space, they will always demand for more. Though you are in that initial honeymoon phase of relationship, there are planning on a escape route.
- Future talks scare them. There is no ‘us’ and ‘we’ in their dating vocabulary. Every time you talk about the future they either change the subject or leave the conversation.
- You are not their top priority. If you need them, they’re not there. They have some other plans when you want them to go somewhere with you. They don’t tend to keep the promises, if at all any. Your instincts at the end of the day will provide you the answer.
How to deal with a commitment phobe?
Instead of focusing on how your partner feels and trying to change his/her attitude towards commitment, you need to focus on changing your approach and how you feel. Nagging your partner is the best way to get the opposite of what you want. If you think your partner is great, but perhaps a little confused about what they want in the life right now, then leave them to go through their process of self exploration. Don’t force them or give them an ultimatum, instead be supportive but draw your boundaries.
If you decide to accept whatever crumbs they are handing you, then be prepared for disappointment. Don’t play casual games with someone you have deep feelings for. Some people are just way too charming to keep your guards up for them. Don’t try to force feelings on someone else so that you feel emotionally save or satisfied. Instead force yourself to accept the reality.
If a person’s history tells you they aren’t the committing kind and aren’t emotionally available then most likely they are not worth your emotional investment. Your chances of a happy and forever relationship are better when the other person voluntarily wants to be with you.
“Note the difference between someone wanting to be with you and wanting to commit to you.”